Silencing the Inner Critic: Reclaiming My Voice

For many years, my loudest critic didn’t live outside of me—it lived inside my head. That inner voice was sharp, dismissive, and relentless. It questioned my worth, minimized my dreams, and reminded me, often, that I was “too much” or “not enough.” What took me years to understand is that this voice didn’t originate with me. It was learned, absorbed, and reinforced through my early environment.

One of the most dominant critical voices came from my stepmother. At the time, I didn’t have language for what I was experiencing. Today, with clarity and compassion, I understand that her criticism was shaped by her own unresolved trauma. Wounded people often pass down wounds not because they intend to, but because they never learned how to heal.

The Moment That Etched Itself Into My Nervous System

I remember watching the news one day and seeing a reporter on television. With the innocent certainty of a child, I turned to my father and said,
“That’s what I want to do when I grow up.”

Without hesitation, my stepmother burst into laughter—an irie laugh that still echoes in my memory—and said,
“You are Black. That would never happen.”

My father immediately stepped in and said,
“Why can’t she? If she wants to do that, she should go for it.”

But my stepmother doubled down:
“You need to stop filling that girl’s head with nonsense. She is female, Black, and from the island.”

That moment didn’t just hurt my feelings—it wired my brain. It planted a belief that surfaced again and again whenever I dared to dream, speak up, or step into visibility.

What’s striking is how often that exact thought resurfaced years later—especially when I was triggered, uncertain, or stepping into new territory. That was one of many critical voices from that household that followed me into adulthood.

How the Inner Critic Evolves

Over time, I noticed something else: I began attracting romantic partners who carried the same critical tone. Different people, same message. Trauma has a way of recreating familiar dynamics until they are healed.

The inner critic thrives on repetition. It borrows voices from caregivers, authority figures, and early relationships and disguises them as “truth,” “realism,” or “concern.” In reality, it is often fear, shame, and unresolved trauma speaking.

The Work of Reconditioning

Silencing the inner critic was not about forcing positive thinking or pretending the pain never happened. It required reconditioning my nervous system, challenging internalized beliefs, and learning to separate who I am from what I was told.

Through years of intentional healing, therapy, and self-reflection, I began to ask different questions:

• Whose voice is this?

• Is this belief protective—or limiting?

• Does this thought belong to my present self, or my past survival?

Slowly, the volume turned down.

Today, I can honestly say I am far less self-critical. Not because the voice never shows up, but because it no longer runs the show.

How I Help Clients Silence Their Inner Critic

In my work with clients, I use the I PROFESS Model to help individuals recognize and heal their inner critic across all dimensions of life:

• Intellectual – identifying distorted beliefs and internalized messages

• Emotional – learning self-compassion instead of self-punishment

• Relational – breaking cycles of criticism in partnerships and families

• Spiritual – replacing shame-based narratives with grounded self-worth

• Physical – calming the nervous system that keeps the critic activated

The goal is not to erase the inner critic, but to understand it, unlearn it, and outgrow it.

A Closing Reflection

The inner critic often begins as a voice of survival. But survival is not the same as living.

If you carry a voice that tells you who you can’t be, pause and ask where it came from. It may not belong to you at all.

Healing made room for my own voice to emerge steady, grounded, and compassionate. And that voice is the one I choose to listen to now.